Myth’s river- where his mother dipped him, fished him, a slippery golden boyflowed on, his name on its lips. Without him, it was prophesised,
they would not take Troy.

Women hid him, concealed him in girls’ sarongs; days of sweetmeats, spices, silver songs…
but when Odysseus came,

with an athlete’s build, a sword and a shield, he followed him to the battlefield, the crowd’s roar,
and it was sport, not war,

his charmed foot on the ball…

but then his heel, his heel, his heel…

Scarborough welcomed Southend United to life at the bottom of the League when, in 1998, they lost 2-1 to the Blues in front of their new chairman, a Mr Anton Johnson, who had been banned from involvement with football in the temporary way that only the FA can manage a life ban.

Scarborough were one of the oldest football clubs in England but were wound up having failed to raise the necessary cash to pay debts of over £800 000 to the Inland Revenue.

Scarborough FC 1879-2007. RIP

The letter concludes:

Basically, if their entertainment is not provided electronically at the push of a button, they are lost. Exciting people? You’ve got to be joking.

Now I understand it: the kids were playing Sensible Soccer.

We lost.

Towards the end of January, Southend’s supporters began to get excited about the Meaningless Cup as, on beating Division Two leaders QPR 4-0, we reached the southern area final.

We needed something to get excited about: the team had been second from bottom of the Football League since 29^th November.

After losing the LDV Final 2-0 to Blackpool, in front of 34,031 fans, the club had a crunch tie against its bogey team. If we lost to Carlisle, we could well have been relegated and, frankly, we had lost almost every time we had played them at Brunton Park for thirty years.

Carlisle were having a terrible season. They had only amassed five points up until the season’s half-way point and were still at the bottom after three months playing on championship form.

We beat them and the fifty or so steadfast Southend supporters who had made their way to Cumbria were rewarded with being locked in for our own safety as an army of ten teenage tearaways attempted to pelt us with projectiles. Their aim was about as good as Carlisle’s forwards’.

The following season began worse than the previous one. By 27^th August we were bottom of the newly renamed, rebranded, far more exciting Coca-Cola League Two. It looked once again as though we were doomed.

We were used to it by now. We had been watching dodgy football for years.

Our fortunes were about to change. A slow rise up the league was highlighted on 16^th October 2004 when, seven seconds after the kick-off against League Two leaders Swansea City, a new young striker from Grays Athletic scored Southend United’s quickest ever goal. That striker, who went on to get a hat trick, was listed in the programme and registered with the FA as Fredy Eastwood.

In typical Southend United style, his name had been wrongly registered. Later, it was noticed that he was actually called Freddy.

The season continued in style. On Tuesday, 19^th April we played Macclesfield Town away. Nine days previously, 36,216 fans had seen Southend beaten by Wrexham in another LDV Final but this time we had our priorities right. When Alan M^cCormack, on loan from Preston, scored the injury time winner against the Silkmen grown men, including me, cried. We were top of the League, needing only three more points from the next three games to guarantee ourselves promotion and the Championship.

So we lost the next three games and finished fourth, two points short of the required tally, doomed to the play-off lottery. It took until extra time in a nervy match against Lincoln City at the Millennium Stadium, in front of only 19,000 fans, most of whom were wearing red and white stripes, for Freddy Eastwood to open up the scoring. When Jupp slotted the second goal in, on 110 minutes, we knew it was our day.

One year later, Southend won the League One championship. The journey to the confusingly named Football League Championship saw us playing attractive, passing football. Sadly, it didn’t last.

This season we have beaten some of the best teams in the Football League— Stoke City, Sunderland, Southampton, West Brom, Birmingham, Ipswich and Preston— six of those teams are in the top eight of the Championship right now. There was also that little matter of the Carling Cup, with victories over the mighty Manchester United and the once mighty Leeds.

It was fun while it lasted. We’ll be back. I’ve no idea when.

A problem erupted 15 minutes into the match at Lens’ Stade Felix-Bollaert, with some fans being pushed against the 10-foot-high metal security fences.

Fans reacted angrily, prompting riot police to fire tear gas into the stand.

However, after two fans, one an elderly woman, were lifted over the barriers to safety, the unrest was quelled.

Television reports suggested the gates at the back of the stand had been opened by police to allow Red Devils supporters with tickets for the home section of the stadium to sit with their own fans.

It is a disgrace that coppers anywhere should see fit to fire tear gas at panicking people.

But, when are FIFA going to implement a total ban on perimeter fencing? Does the world need another 43 deaths? Or another 96? It is a complete f—ing disgrace that even one stadium in the world continues to be allowed to stage matches under the auspices of FIFA while spectators are penned in by perimeter fencing.

Sorry. I’m at a loss for words.

It’s well documented that many players have superstitions that they follow before a game and it’s just the same for supporters. However this season has presented quite a problem in that, until recently, our results have not reflected the care with which I’ve been making my offerings to the Goddess of Luck and her fickle brother the God of Chance.

The order in which I did things last season has been followed to the letter. Get in the car, switch on the radio, tune into Radio Essex (Even though its still some gardening program) , head for Roots Hall taking the shortcut down the side of the park and getting stuck at the lights for ages. A foreseeable problem that totally negates the shortcut but hey it’s a ritual, what choice do I have ?

And that’s the nub of the matter. You really do not have any choice, once hooked into a routine you’re in the keep net for the duration mate ! It matters not how the superstition began, the mere fact that it is there is enough to make grown men do daft and stupid things over and over again. What is even dafter is that the rituals have no proven track record and hold no promise of holding true for ever.

Last year I and Uncle Albert took to standing up until after each kick off had been taken. Not for each goal you must understand, just at the start of each half. And it regularly produced results … well if you count the colourful abuse that we were subjected to by people in the seats behind ! How our decision to do such a thing arose neither of us have a clue (No change there then ! … thought I’d say it before anyone else jumps in) but we were picking up results, steadily holding onto our position at the head of the table and eventually getting our due reward in the form of a Championship and promotion.

The pundits in their ignorance gave the credit to Eastwood and his chums. But we knew who had really gone that extra mile. Ears ringing from our fellow supporter’s advice to ‘Sit Down’ we’d played our game as well as any of those wearing the boots on the pitch. And, as sure as eggs are eggs, if we did the same thing this season then the fruits of our bravery would be a nice position around mid table somewhere.

Sure there was the odd result, most notably our thrashing of Man Utd 1-0, but the expected fine run of results never occurred. Again a strange thing, because instead of changing your ritual, you actually start adding bits onto it !. I found myself buying the obligatory cheeseburger from inside rather than outside the culinary oasis at the back of the West stand. I also had to make my way to my seat following a specific route. And it was only when I found myself deliberating over which shoelace to tie up first that I realised that things had gone too far. It wasn’t my rituals that were at fault at all … it was Uncle Albert’s!!

Old age perhaps, too many visits to the bar. Whatever, time was taking a toll on the poor fellow and he was tending to hover over his seat rather than stand up straight before kick off. And such sloppy habits were having a bad effect upon our results. Something had to be done…

Read the rest of the message on Yahoo groups.

‘Deaths unfortunately form part of this huge movement which is football and which the forces of order are not always able to control,’ Mr Matarrese was quoted as saying.”

Er, no.

The only astonishing part of Freddy Eastwood‘s “wonder goal” / “lucky goal” / “fluke” in the Carling Cup fourth round tie is that he scored it against Manchester United. He scored a beauty for us in February. [One of many, I should add. It's just that I've not blogged about most of them.] He has almost single-handedly changed the supporters’ view of penalties (we never used to convert them) and, to be honest, he scores from free kicks for fun. So let’s have a little less of the patronising guff from Man U fans.

The Southend United players this season have underperformed in style. Indeed, many of the goals that have been scored against us this year appear to have followed defensive narcolepsy.

I watched the game at a pub in Preston, accompanied by a number of Reds. Like many of them, I expected a score line in the region of 4-0. Indeed, I left the house commenting to Kate that I would be content if we held Man U down to three goals. When, around 8.30 pm, Jamaican international and one of my nominees for MOTM Jamal Campbell-Ryce was fouled thirty yards out I did not have high expectations of the ensuing free kick. Eastwood and partners stepped up to take the kick. Eastwood struck. And I held my head. The ball had gone behind.

Hadn’t it?

It must have been off-side.

Mustn’t it?

I mean, the sounds of wild jubilation must have been coming from overwrought Reds who were jeering the miss.

Oh my! We were a goal up against one of the world’s biggest teams. And they hadn’t fielded the reserves.

For the next hour I waited for Man U to score. They tried valiantly but, somehow, Southend’s sleepy defence stayed awake. Darryl Flahavan‘s performance was comparable to that of Seaman in his prime.

I now just hope that the players can use this as a stepping stone, improving morale sufficiently that they realise we are certainly good enough to remain in the Championship.

Oh, finally, it’s “Shrimpers” not “Shrimps”.

Technorati Tags: Freddy Eastwood, Carling Cup, Manchester United, Southend United, Jamal Campbell-Ryce, Man U, Darryl Flahavan, Shrimpers

As for some of the wilder remarks on the boards about me,i will give you one or two facts,firstly,my physical and mental condition are A1,and having worked closely recently with coaches who train and do conditioning work with olympic athletes,i pay rather more attention to what there diagnosis of my physical state,than with respect,the Spanish shrimper et al….

The tests i have done(prior to Tenerife,where i have trained for 3 weeks,on physical fitness,plyometric training,trimming down weight to NFFC playing weight,and building power) all were scientific tests used on athletes in various sports to ascertain fitness levels,and hence goals.My tests pre-Tenerife suggested that my fitness at that point were still that of an elite athlete,and with up to 8 weeks conditioning work,that at age 35,my power,strength,fitness and agility would be comparable to ANYTIME in my career previous.

More, including a picture, elsewhere.

As previously mentioned on these pages, PremiumTV have started making life difficult for Mac users who wish to listen to the 16kbps radio commentaries online. The commentary does, in fact, work yet it gives an error message claiming that Internet Explorer 5 and Windows are required.

I have asked Premium TV why they have cancelled my account and whether they would mind explaining this new policy. Their support staff have told me that all the streaming media is DRMed in order to prevent its appearance on ‘video sharing websites’. Er, hello. This is audio.

And it does work.